If you love a man (or woman) in a uniform, Italy is the place for you. Italy doesn’t just have cops, it has a variety of cops, all of whom are armed to the teeth and sport snappy outfits, cool sunglasses, deep tans and trim physiques. (Really, with so many different outfits to choose from, the Village People could could have a hey-day.)

The other day as we were out people-watching in Naples, Angelo began naming all the different branches of police. I quickly realized I needed to take notes because his list went on and on:

Arma dei Carabinieri – Originally founded by the King of Sardinia, The Carabinieri, as they are called for short, are military police. They wear snazzy blue and black uniforms with a red stripe down the leg and white shoulder strap. They are even sent on peaceful missions in foreign lands to provide humantiarian aid and help in disasters.

A couple of years ago, a CSI-style show about Carabinieri started airing on Italian television on Canale 5, called Raggruppamento Carabinieri Investigazioni Scientifiche. (Can you see why they call it Ra.CIS for short?) Despite this PR, the Carbinieri are the butt of many jokes (the gist of which being that they are incapable of thinking for themselves and can only take orders.)

Vigili Urbani, Polizia Locale & Polizia di Municipale – Three types of city police. Angelo wasn’t sure what the difference was, but I suspect it boils down to the uniform. If you look good in green, be a Polizia Locale. If powder blue is more your style, go Vigili Urbani. ;-P

Polizia Stradale – This is the highway patrol. Angelo says speeding tickets are rare, but penalties for drinking and driving are increasing due to heavy fatalities.

Guardia di Finanza – This group deals with financial matters, tax fraud, for instance. There’s a TV show about them, too, called “Il Capitano,” but I haven’t watched it. They drive Alfa-Romeos around town and have big gray boats in the harbor, but don’t confuse them with the Guardia Costeria.

Guardia Costiera – The Italian version of the Coast Guard. Their boats look more like American Coastal Guard boats, white with a red stripe on the bow.

Corpo Forestale dello Stato – Environmental police to handle tree-hugging issues. I have never seen this squad, however… ahem. (Garbage strike, anyone?)

Corpo di Polizia & Polizia Penitiziaria – These are prison police.

As you can see, there are more branches of police in Italy than there are varieties of mozzarella. In fact, while walking around today I saw a ‘Vigilanza Partenope’ and some motorcycle cops called ‘Leonessa’ with lions on their helmets. I’ll bet there are even more armed forces around. Surely there is a fashion police, and perhaps a papparazzi unit, not to mention an al dente squad to make sure your pasta is cooked correctly.

In the middle of Angelo’s lecture, a group of motorbikes drove past some Polizia Locale. The nods and waves they exchanged made it clear they all knew each other. Angelo nudged me, “See them? Those are off-duty cops. Out of uniform, but on patrol. They are called falchi, which means ‘falcons,’ and if they see a person do a crime, they are going to be very tough.”

“What do you mean, ‘very tough’?”

“I mean, they are going to make that person wish they had not decided to do a crime. I have seen it,” he said with a knowing smile.

Later, I asked his mom about the falchi and she told some stories of her own. She once saw a group of citizens pulling falchi off of a criminal who they were beating severely. The bystanders felt the falchi were taking their vigilante-style justice too far.

“It’s true,” Angelo said with a laugh. “Falchi are very, very tough. Everyone knows.”

Everyone, now, including me