Armageddon knock knock joke

If you thought Armageddon was right around the corner, would you offer a big sale at your store? That’s precisely what LTD Jewelers did in this commercial.

Scattering birds. Photo by Tui Cameron

How’s that for surreal? The guy seems so cheery about it. I kept expecting him to say, “We won’t be under-souled!” or break into a song and dance number. It reminds me of a cheesy-but-effective knock-knock joke I came up with years ago to repel a long-winded man who came by my house determined to convert me to his particular religion.

It was a beautiful spring day and I was planting my garden when the religious guy showed up. As we sat in the shade sipping iced-tea, the man told me that the world was about to end, but if I worked it right, I could be one of the head honchos in the afterlife. The guy made it sound like I would be a post-apocalyptic manager of lost souls.

I didn’t mind at first. I enjoy hearing what other people think, but this guy went on and on. He spoke forcefully and was, frankly, a little intimidating. It was also annoying that he wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise. I had a few questions.

Now, I don’t care what deities people choose to believe in. I just don’t like it when they push those deities on me. On the other hand, I didn’t want to be rude. Thus began my internal struggle, and as my sweat dried off, I began to get a chill. More than anything, I wanted to get back to gardening. How could I get this guy to leave without being rude? Finally, I mustered up enough courage to barge in on his monologue by saying, “Knock knock!”

To my surprise, his response was immediate. “Who’s there?”

“Armageddon.”

“Armageddon who?”

“Armageddon tired of all this talk about destruction.”

I would like to say that the man laughed, but he actually looked pretty pissed off. Even so, he politely excused himself and I was able to return to my garden.